Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
