Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
