She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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