"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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