nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
did i walk over a car last night?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
