How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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