butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
