Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
