i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
