Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
