Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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