I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
