Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
