Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
