Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
