Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
