i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
