It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
