I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
