he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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