I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have demons in me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
