My first STD was from a foam party
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
