I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
