Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
