Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
