Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
