Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
