I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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