So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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