i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
