I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
