No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
