Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
