I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
