i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
