I got chris browned last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
