I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
