I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
