in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize