Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
