Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
