I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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