Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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