I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
