Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
