Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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