is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
