My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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