Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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