How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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