I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
